I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
