she looked like the before picture.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You are a genius and a whore.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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