my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
