Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
