how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize