Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
