who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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