Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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