Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
