i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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