im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
