She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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