Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
