youre lurking in front of me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
