I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
