On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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