You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
