I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
