Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
