a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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