i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
where am i from again
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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