Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
