Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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