just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
being pregnant is like rehab
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
