so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
