my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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