dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
