i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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