I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
