thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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