thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
