Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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