plz talk dirty to me
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
