Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
