look no pants
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
