on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
