We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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