im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize