You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Damn victory sex feels great
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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