woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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