so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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