is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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