my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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