John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
