it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
