What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
