Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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