he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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