Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
