whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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