Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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