just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Come share oat with me in your robe
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
