the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize