Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
