I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
