we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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