Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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