We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
