what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
