u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize