dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
