the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
