just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
