The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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